I listen to Eckhart Tolle and I try to be humble. Nothing like being told that you will be filling in for the receptionist to fill one's humility quota. Really? Just fill in for the receptionist? You don't need any toilets cleaned, or any garbage cans emptied? C'mon, ugly stepsisters, don't be shy about putting me in a really lowly position. My karmic account isn't nearly balanced yet; I'm sure I still have much for which I need to atone.
I keep thinking there is a key I need to attain for success. If only I could be funnier, more confident, prettier, smarter, more ambitious, more energetic; I am missing an essential quality for success, and that lack is so frustrating. What am I good at? What could I do that would exploit any talents I might have and make me happy and more fulfilled than I feel?
Don't think I am happy about feeling this way. I don't want to feel outraged that I have been asked to do work I consider below me. I want to feel grateful I have a job. I don't want to feel this desolation of the soul. My life has been so tied up with work that when work is not fulfilling, I feel really sad. Oh fuck it. Who gives a shit about a stupid job. I just need to focus on being happy and being as professional as I can even if others don't perceive me as a professional.
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